First Impressions
Jack Mazur is a dad, pharmacist, eating disorder advocate, and Vice-President of The Emilee Connection. He is co-author of the book, Emilee: The Story of a Girl and Her Family Hijacked by Anorexia and he co-hosts the eating disorder and mental health podcast, Once Shattered: Picking Up the Pieces, with Linda Mazur and Ellen Bennett; Two Moms and a Dad Beginning the Conversations that need to happen because everyone’s mental health matters!
It is said you have one chance to make a first impression. Human beings are wired to form quick judgements often within the first seven seconds of meeting someone. Subconsciously they evaluate appearance, your clothing, hair style, body type, body language, and overall demeanor. When you speak, they judge your voice, and your choice of words. I believe people feel pressure on them to perform in the way society wants them to. How unfair that is.
First impressions are important, but you must be who you are. You must be the authentic you, the real you.
In society today, we are bombarded by advertisements on television, in magazines, and on social media which present us with the perfect people, even though we know no one is perfect. We are judged by what kind of car we own, how big our house is, where we go on vacation, even what breed of dog we have.
We are created equal, but we are so different in many ways. Events in our life, from the time we are young, right through our senior years, shape the person we are. Growing up in Oswego, New York, I had family, extended family, relatives, and friends that modeled by example and taught me the values I live by today. Respect for others, treating others as you want to be treated, putting yourself into someone else’s shoes, are just a few examples and they have served me well. I feel fortunate to have had the childhood I did.
So, when I meet someone for the first time, I try my best to not judge them. Everyone has bad days. We just have to do our best. Many people have had a curveball or two thrown at them that have altered their life in ways they never imagined.
My life was forever changed, when our daughter Emilee, lost her battle with anorexia and was taken from us. I was the same person outside, but a changed man on the inside. From that day forward. I became more empathetic, more compassionate, and less judgmental of just about everything.
A few months ago, an adult young man walked into The Emilee Connection Support Group Meeting for the first time. He probably came just to appease his mother, who was worried about him. He sat down on the couch next to me and asked, “So what’s this all about?” We all told him we were there to support him and each other, that this was a safe space, and that he could share some of his journey if felt compelled to, or he could just listen.
He quietly listened, his eyes cast toward the floor, his tall body curled inward as the others shared some of their journey and conveyed how having an eating disorder had impacted their lives. Slowly, this young man’s posture changed, his head began to nod here and there, and suddenly, he was talking. His voice was deep, and it got louder and faster as he and shared his incredible, heartbreaking story. For the next hour and a half, we were transfixed, deeply moved and even speechless at times. Though he had a loving, supportive family, life had led him down some very rough roads, he shared that he had made some bad decisions along way which he’d paid for, yet they still impacted him and the people he loved the most.
This young man’s caring, compassionate, and intelligent soul came shining through, loud and clear. Even though his story was filled with heartbreak, he was charismatic, funny, honest, and talented.
I remember telling him, “I can see what a big heart you have. We all can.”
There were tears in his eyes when he thanked us for welcoming and embracing him. And there were tears in ours.
Not one person in that room judged him in those first seven seconds when he walked into the room. If we had, I’m sure he would have sensed it, and we never would have known the authentic person Nate Klein was.
We are blessed to have known him for the short time we did, and we only wish we could have met him sooner. Yet, the time with him was a gift to each of us. We are forever changed by hearing Nate’s story, his courage, his honesty, his rap poetry, and his beautiful heart.