Christmas Time is Here
John/Jack Mazur RPh, Vice President: The Emilee Connection Inc., is also a father, pharmacist, podcast host, eating disorder and mental health advocate. He is witty, kind, and who has a very soft spot for his dogs.
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When I thought about writing a blog, my thoughts began to scatter in different directions. So many choices, yet ultimately, my blog at this time of year had to be about Christmas and the holiday season.
I think back to Christmastime as a young boy in Oswego N.Y., and how excited I was. We were usually buried in snow. Many times, it was like we lived inside a snow globe, as the powdery large lake flakes settled on the pine trees, cars, people, and Christmas decorations.
I remember Christmas Eve, trying so hard to stay awake so I might see Santa filling my stocking which hung on the doorknob to my bedroom. But I never succeeded. The house I grew up in was seven hundred square feet, so the distance from my bedroom to the living room where the Christmas tree and presents were, was only a few steps away. My parents always told me I had to wait until they woke up and then we would walk into the living room together.
Christmas morning my stocking was always filled to the top with oranges, walnuts, a coloring book, crayons, candy canes, and a four-piece box for Russel Stover candy. I have so many memories of Christmas presents I received. One year I received a Ronco remote control car that sped off in a straight line— or spun in circles—and a magnetic football game with players who pretty much vibrated around aimlessly on the board. The most vivid memory was when I was fourteen and I got my first set of golf clubs. That was the beginning of a fifty-seven-year journey attempting to master the game of golf.
Years later, as Emilee and Matthew’s Dad, I remember the joy of buying presents for them setting out cookies and milk for Santa, and leaving a half-eaten cookie and a partial glass of milk with a thank you note I penned and signed, Thank you. Love, Santa.
Linda and I watched with excitement as they rushed into the family room where the colorful tree stood tall, decorated with bright lights and a multitude of the children’s handmade ornaments with a plethora of gifts underneath. They would both take turns, excitedly opening their presents. Thankfully, we have photographs of those precious years to preserve the moments in time.
This year is different for another reason, because, for the first time since I started working at sixteen, I am not working during the holiday season. Part of me is thankful and relieved I am no longer working in the chaos of retail pharmacy, as it has evolved in the last fifteen years, but I am sad that I am not sharing these days with co-workers and patients. For many years, my pharmacy job was at a large mall, with decorations galore throughout the mall, a hundred stores, and thousands of shoppers. It was easy to get into the Christmas spirit.
All that said, the most difficult thing about Christmas now is that it’s the eighth Christmas without our daughter, Emilee. Emilee lost her battle with anorexia in August 2016. Our lives were forever changed from that day forward. Many people think that you move on as the years pass.
“Remember the good times,” they say.
“You have to move on,” others tell us.
I will tell you not to say those things to anyone who has lost a loved one, especially a child, no matter their age at passing. Of course, we remember the good times, sometimes with smiles, and laughter, and sometimes with tears interspersed. You never move on. We do our best to keep moving forward, Emilee remains in our hearts and memories, and she moves forward with us.
I think back to the time when she was a little girl, and insisted she had to walk by herself into the Hallmark store, to buy her mom a Christmas present, (as Linda watched her from outside through the door.) She loved to buy and give presents. She loved Christmas Day when we hosted up to twenty-eight people for Christmas dinner, the Yankee Swap gift exchange, and playing fun games after dinner. Linda, our son Matthew, and I miss Emilee’s presence in our life every single day. Life will never be the same. But we keep moving forward for each other.
Our mission and passion to help others sustains us. It is a labor of love to do whatever we can do to help adults struggling with eating disorders and to also provide support for their family members. This is the peer support we wish was available to our daughter and to us as her family.
We have a healthcare system that is broken. A mental healthcare system does not exist in many areas of our country. It is difficult to find someone who would argue that there is no healthcare crisis in America, and throughout the world. Insurance companies often deny critical, comprehensive treatment for those who struggle with eating disorders, substance and alcohol use disorders, and depression. There are not enough educated therapists in mental health. The system is overwhelmed with individuals who have mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, suicide, eating disorders, substance use disorders are exponentially more prevalent than ever before.
Sure, Covid -19 was a big factor, but mental illness was a huge problem before Covid. We see more stories in the news, as celebrities and the athletes, politicians and more, come forward with their own mental health struggles. I am thankful they are coming forward, but equally important are all the people who are not famous, who deserve needed care and support.
Stigma, peer pressure, public perception, and social media have contributed to the crisis. So, what can we do as a society? We must come together to help fill the void in care. We all know someone in need of help. When someone breaks a leg or arm, or has knee or hip surgery, people come together to help them out with transportation, grocery shopping, and medical appointments. They receive essential treatment by a doctor specializing in Orthopedics and receive physical therapy, from someone trained in PT, to help get them back to the life they had before. If they are elderly and not able to be rehabilitated or to live safely, independently, there are assisted living and long-term care options where they are cared for.
The same thing must happen when someone has a mental illness. Appropriate, comprehensive treatment, by doctors and therapists. When someone has an eating disorder, they need medical professionals educated in educated in eating disorders, and assistance in rehabilitating back into a society they may have been disassociated from for years. There is no magic pill proven to work for eating disorders. The is no standard of care for them. We need the community to come together.
Start this Christmas season. Give the gift of your time to someone you know who is struggling. Every day is hard for them, but this time of year can be overwhelming. People may want to withdraw and disconnect more than ever. Let them know you care. Let them know they matter. Their family may be wonderful, but often, it also takes someone outside the family to help them believe in themselves again. Being seen through different eyes, feeling respected, heard, and understood can make a huge impact. The gift of time costs nothing. That gift is not going to be returned because it’s the wrong size or color. It might be the best gift they receive, and the best gift you give.
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!
John Mazur, RPh